Life. It means different things to everyone. Not everyone has the same life, but we as humans try very hard to imitate each other. Not everyone has the same life, but we all can change our circumstances. Your past doesn’t equal your future. Bad things happen. Good things happen just as much or not more than the bad.

My/our lives over the last 5 years has been a roller coaster. (hence the 4 month writers block) So I got up this morning and decided to write something.

5 years ago our lives were changed.  This is the first time I have talked about it publicly, much less written about it. Some friends know, but not everyone in our circle does. We lost our son during premature labor. He was just barely over 19 weeks. He was a fighter. He held on for a week after my wife lost her amniotic fluid for unknown reasons. We knew that he wouldn’t survive outside of utero. We prayed for the best. We prayed for a miracle.   My wife went into labor and had to deliver him naturally.  Having to watch her go through that  while knowing the outcome, I can’t even wrap my head around that. After that, we discovered the issues that may have caused it and she had surgery to correct it. Those issues could’ve caused a lot of problems if she had carried to full term. We realized that losing him may have saved her life. It was long road to recovery. A long road to reconcile with God. A long way to restore my faith. She found her faith for which I’m forever thankful. My wife had a plethora of daily emotional breakdowns. She changed jobs. Twice. She decide to return to school. She graduated, then decided to start her own business. She has been plugging away at it for almost 3 years. She has succeeded in that.

We had things planned out to a degree. We had decide to look into some kind of fertility options, but were not going to pursue it with abandon. It was more of the mindset that if it was meant to be, we would find a way. Financially, it has been difficult to say the least. Sometimes the only obstacle in your life is “YOU” That is the hardest wall to climb, the hardest road to walk, the obstacles you create in your own mind out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of self doubt. Fear of social acceptance. I’ve heard it put simply, ” That your mind is the greatest prison to try and escape from.”

We have another business that we own together. I have mentioned and wrote about it in past entries. I have sat on this for awhile. Letting my own fear in my abilities hinder my progress.  That has to end, It has to stop. My goals are achievable, but my timeframe is closing in. I can move that date, but kicking the can down the road is pointless if you don’t do the work in between.

Well, to make a long story short. The can hit a wall. A wall with a big “++” sign on it. Pregnant! Had no idea that we could or would be able conceive naturally. So in a little less than 7 months I’m going to be a Dad and less than 3 months after that I will be 50! Yes, you read that right. So basically, this blog post has become a roadmap of check boxes. Lose weight, raise my income, begin to do projects to prepare for that day. I will use this blog as a barometer of my progress and hopefully help someone along the way.

This is a vent I guess more than informative. It’s my blog, I can write what I want, right?